So on this day last year, my Project 365 was initiated. Which means that I should have 365 posts by now..which I do not…
I could totally tell you guys that I do…not like anyone’s gonna check…right? X)
It’s been a really busy year for me. I did start this blog about two weeks after I joined med school. This was supposed to be where I’d come for some me time. Where I’d find my safe haven from the craziness of the real world.
The funny part is that it isn’t work that has kept me busy, for the most part. I’ve been busy finding myself, and understanding myself as well as everyone around me. I stepped out of the safety and familiarity of school into a totally different environment, away from all of my friends. It wasn’t easy, I still get upset about if sometimes, but I’ve come pretty far since then.
This year was hard on me as well as my family, what with my dad’s constant visits to all kinds of doctors. It was good in a way, because he is finally getting the right treatment for things with which he has suffered from for way too long. It was however emotionally taxing. We were just reeling from the craziness that came along with dad’s surgery, when my baby brother passed away.
That was a life changing point for me. At the time when I was so completely shattered, almost none of my friends were there to pick up the pieces. They were there.. but just not the way I’d like them to be.
After those hours and hours of crying, I came out a different person. I no longer had much to say to any of my friends about what went on in my head, or what it was that was troubling me. I started filling myself up with emotions with no way to release them. I do open up to my friends sometimes now, but I find myself feeling stupid and childish, or I find myself rethinking my decision of sharing in the first place.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I miss being able to express myself. I just don’t have it in my anymore. I walk around, laughing and talking, making lame jokes and having a good time when I’m at uni. Then I come home and make sure I have no time to think about anything. So now, when anyone asks me how I’m going, I’m perfectly fine, because I myself don’t know what’s going on in my head.
Then, this summer I decided to do nothing but spend quality time with my family, specifically my mother, to bridge this terrible gap we’d managed to build between ourselves. That went really well, I’m glad. And as a ‘fringe benefit’ I’ve finally started to see my sister as a kid… took me ten years but hey, better late than never innit?
Then I started my second year of med school without Coconut (kill me now). I’ve just had a heart to heart with her (in person, we’d be stabbing eachother right about now) which is probably why this post is going the exact opposite way to how I planned it. She was one of my only strong foot holds in thus crazy new world… sucks that she had to leave… wish It wasn’t so.
And here comes the hysteria. Look at me, I’ve got it all yet here I am complaining. HAHAHAHAHAHA! How thankless!
So here I am, on the three hundred and sixty fifth day of my blog, with no photo to show for myself and a rollercoaster of a year. Thank you all for your support. Hope you’ve found yourself too.. it isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, but at least there’s some change.
I like change… change is good.. change keeps you busy and make life interesting.
I think I sound like a drunk person… I feel funny inside.. Oh God… it’s going to be a long long night…
Good night everyone.. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my blog now… just keep on going or stop for good… I like talking here.. where no one and everyone can hear me.
Love you all ❤
Take very good care.