Well, being expats, we only visit our country every summer or maybe even every two summers, and so we do not get the opportunity to bond with our family. I know all my cousins by name (almost..which is sad..), but I can’t really tell you much about their personalities, or their likes and dislikes.. Except for maybe what I’ve heard about them from my parents, or what I’ve seen of them in the short time we do see each other.
Therefore, anyone who comes to stay with us for long enough, becomes very dear to us. They’re like our window to knowing or caring about anyone other than our immediate family…. Our only other ‘connections’ for the lack of a better word
A few or more years ago, my youngest uncle (mom’s bro), came here looking for a job. When he first came, all I knew about him was that he was that cool guy who always took us out for treats when we visited..but that was all. I guess it means that all these people who I call family do not have a dynamic personality in my head… Because I haven’t stayed with them long enough to see all of what they are..
So, as time passed, and I observed him day in day out.. I realised that things aren’t always what they seem like.. I’d only ever seen him all smiling and happy, but now, I saw him struggle, I saw him in rage, in pain, in anxiety..I was there when his mum passed away. I will never forget that day, my mother said to me, “From now on, I’m his mother, and you have to help me make the right decisions when it comes to him and make sure that I treat him right…He should never ever feel alone.”
I have always been sorta like the fly on the wall at home. I tend to sit in the corner and just watch.. I remember the times he would come home from an unsuccessful interview and just break down. I used to sit and watch him, wondering what I could say or do to make it any better. I remember times when he’d just talk to me, because he didn’t want to tell my mum things that would upset her… He looked at me like he didn’t expect me to understand, but that just made it easier for him to let his heart out. He never really thought that it really did matter to me..
Eventually things got better and he started becoming less worried and more himself. He worked really hard to get to where he is now, and he’s working harder still to go father than this.
Every time I hear that he’s coming to visit, I become super happy… but sometimes it hits me that I may not mean to him as much as he means to me. For me, he’s like an older brother who I could lay my life down for.. no second thoughts. He might as well be one of the very few people who I could do anything at all for. Sometimes I think that he can’t see that, or rather that I don’t make it obvious to him.I don’t know how to show it to him.. He’s practically the only ‘close’ family I’ve got after my parents.. I guess I’m unable to show how important that is to me.
I’m not so sure what I’m trynna say… But I guess I just wanted to let it all out today.. We just returned from dropping him off at the airport and my heart was kinda heavy..
Here’s to my nuclear family.